Burnin' the Place Down

So, I was trying to light some candles on my daughter's birthday cake.  Usually that doesn't pose too much of a problem.  Usually.  Today was not the usual.  Maybe it has something to do with the big bump on my head that I got a few days ago.  I don't know.

First, I tried to light a candle with an old book of matches.  I tried, and I tried, and I tried.  But it didn't work.  The darn things wouldn't light.  So I threw them away.

Then I tried a lighter.  That didn't work.  So I threw it away.

Then I tried another lighter.  And I burned my fingers.

Then, I said, "Heck with the lighter, I'll get another book a matches."

These matches were the wooden kind.  Usually those work pretty well.  Usually.

Well, as I lit the thing, the match snapped in half, landing on our kitchen table, which is made of wood.

"Fire!" my son yelled.

I quickly extinguished it.

"Okay.  I give up," I said.  "Daddy, you do it."

Of course he got it on the first try.