Mama Diaries

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Lemonade, Inc.

Running a lemonade stand these days is a complicated business! It used to be that you could just put up a table, mix a pitcher of lemonade, maybe make a sign, and wait for the crowds to show up. Or not.

That's not the way it is anymore. You're supposed to have a lemonade stand permit before you set up anywhere. Why? I have no idea. Probably just a way for cities to profit from the entrepreneurial youngsters in the area.

My boy and his friends made it even more complicated. Each person selling lemonade had to have stock in the company.


Yes, ladies and gentlemen. This is how it went down:

"Mama," my boy said. "I own stock in the lemonade stand."

"What?" This sounded absolutely ridiculous. "How much did you pay into this lemonade company?"


Okay. That wasn't bad.

He explained further. "We had to buy stock, so that we could participate in the sales. If you don't contribute, you don't get any of the profits."

It kind of made sense. They used their "stock money" to purchase lemonade mix and cover any other business expenses they accrued.

It worked out pretty well for my boy. The young entrepreneurs had a substantial amount of sales. They set up for three days, and every day, each boy made $10.50. I'd say that was a good payback! 

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Glass House

The other day, as I was cleaning the counter in my kitchen, I noticed an over-turned glass bowl sitting on it. I wondered why in the world it was flipped upside-down. It didn't take me long to figure it out. Under the bowl, was the ugliest looking bug you've ever seen.

Here's what it looked like: 

It was walking around. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it was very much alive.

I knew my boy had something to do with it.

"Bubba," I called. "Why is there an insect under the bowl on the counter?"

He meandered in. "It looked scary, so I figured I should trap it so nobody would get hurt."

Good thinking.

"So, Bubba. Now that you have it trapped on our counter, what are you going to do with it?"

He shrugged. Apparently, this was Mama's department. I figured we should investigate and see exactly what kind of threat this thing posed.

Our investigation determined that this was a robber fly. A very fierce insect that kills wasps and bees. Definitely not a force to be reckoned with. I decided that a can of Raid insect killer would be the best option. Bubba lifted the glass house, and I sprayed the robber fly. A few minutes later, it was dead.

"Guess it's not safe to live in a glass house," said Bubba.

"Yep, not safe at all," I said.

Prologue:  It is also not safe to scoop up a robber fly in a napkin. Even dead ones. That bastard somehow managed to sting me as its pointy stingy thing pierced the napkin. My pinky finger was numb from it. Guess the robber fly got it's revenge!

Before I go, since there were some requests to hear more of my playing from the recital, I've posted another video. (Again, you can only hear me. Sorry.) If you'd like to listen, here it is:


Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Wake Up Call

My teenaged daughter would sleep until three o'clock in the afternoon if left to her own devices. I've been trying to wake her up around 9:30, just to get her bio-rhythms somewhat in order for school.

The other day, I forgot, so while I was in the car driving my son somewhere, the boy had a brilliant idea. "I'll text her the most annoying sound in the world over and over to wake her up."

Apparently it worked.

If you need to wake someone up, here's the video you can send. I'm sure they'll appreciate it!

Before I go, I thought I'd share this video I made from my recital performance in April. There was no camera filming me as I played, but you can at least hear me.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

How to Open a Crown Cap Bottle Without a Bottle Opener

My boy, Bubba, wanted to open a bottle of Coke. The bottle had a crown cap - not one of those convenient twisty plastic caps. I'm not sure why he didn't use a bottle opener, but he found another genius way to open the bottle - with a hammer!

"I'm going to open a bottle with a hammer," he said.

Yeah, sure,  I thought. I expected to see broken pieces of glass as a result of this operation.

But he did it - without any spillage or breakage. With the head of the hammer under the lip of the cap, he slammed the hammer handle into the ground. The lid popped right off. If you don't believe it, check out this video for examples of how it's done.

Before I go, I wanted to let you know that for the month of July, two of my books (That Mama is a Gouch and Ten Zany Birds), are free from Smashwords. Visit here for the Grouch book, and here for the Bird book.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Coffee Making 101

The other day, my son, Bubba, decided he wanted to make coffee.

"Mama," he said. "How to you make coffee?"

"You put some ground beans in the filter, fill the coffee maker with water, and then wait for it to get finished."

The boy had seen his dad grind coffee beans, so step one was not a problem. He placed a new filter (after a lot of searching for one) in the filter cup.  Then came the water part. He carefully inspected the machine to figure out where to put the water.  He put his fist into one of the openings. "It's not wet," he said. "It must not go there." He poured the water into the filter, over the grinds.

"Dude!" I said. "The water goes there." I showed him where he had put his fist. "It wasn't wet, because it hadn't been used in a while."

We cleaned up mess one, and tried again. This time, he put the water in the right place, but when the beeper went off, indicating the coffee was done, there was nothing but a few drops in the pot.

We opened the lid. All the hot water was on top of grinds in the filter, but it didn't go through.

"I know what I did," Bubba said. "I didn't take the plastic part out of the filter cup."

We cleaned up mess two, and tried again. This time he got it right.

So, ladies and gentlemen, this is what Bubba learned about making coffee:

1. Grind the coffee beans.

2. Find and insert filter into the filter cup, making sure liquid can pass through to the coffee pot. Remove parts that inhibit this.

3. Add ground beans to the filter.

4. Add water to proper reservoir.

5. Make sure coffee maker is on.

6. Wait for the beep, indicating brewing is finished.

7. Carefully pour coffee into suitable coffee mug.

8. Enjoy.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

A Cake Destined for Disaster

I knew it was doomed when the eggs hit the pavement.

I was planning to make a cake for our anniversary, but discovered that I had no eggs. (Apparently Bubba used the last of them for his culinary creation, and left the empty carton in the refrigerator.)  I went to the grocery store, picked up a carton, and promptly dropped it as I tried getting it into my car. The yellow yolk oozed out, creating a lovely mess. I quickly found another plastic bag and wrapped it up, hoping to contain the bio hazard.

When I got home, I discovered that all but four were destroyed. I only needed three, so I was good. I mixed the batter, and was ready to prepare the baking pans by greasing and flouring them. But guess what? I didn't have any Crisco grease. A few choice words went through my head as I scrummaged through the pantry trying to find another solution. I found some Pam non-stick cooking spray. This should work, I thought.  

It didn't. When I attempted to take the cake out of the pan, it stuck. Then it fell apart. Ladies and gentlemen, this is what that sorry thing looked like when it was done:

*Sigh* At least it tasted okay!

Monday, June 5, 2017

Disappearing Cake

The other day, I baked a cake. After I frosted it, I left it on the counter. It was covered, on a cake dish.

The next morning, the cake had mysteriously disappeared. Usually my husband is the culprit. I asked him about, but he didn't have a clue as to where it went. The odd thing was that the entire cake dish had vanished, and there weren't any tell-tale forks and plates in the sink.

I figured it would eventually show up.

It did. Sort of. The cake plate returned to the counter, with only some cake crumbs and chocolate frosting on it.

"Kids!" I said. "What happened to this cake?"

They came downstairs and grinned. "Midnight snack!"